Mrs. Shari Thomas is the Director of Parakaleo, A Church Planting Wives Ministry.
TOP SIX STRESS AGENTS FOR CHURCH PLANTERS’ WIVES (INVERSE ORDER):
6. The average wife oversees ~2.5 ministries, raises children, and many have part-time jobs. About 80% experience depression.
5. Boundary ambiguity — Emotional, physical, and role ambiguity. For example, the house is often used for ministry purposes. Do we have personal space? When can I say no? Do my children always have to share their toys with many kids simultaneously?
4. Lack of reliance on Christ.
3. Insuffucient re-creation. She needs time for exercise and regular Sabbath.
2. Lack of a support system. Many feel that they have nobody to whom they can go when they are struggling.
1. Her husband. Is he involved or uninvolved in her life? Is he so involved with planting the church, that he is not involved in the life of the family? Or is he so involved with his work that she is unable to join him in it (in healthy ways)?
THINGS CHURCH PLANTING COUPLES NEED TO KNOW
1. Both the planter and his wife needs coaching. Each needs to have people who they can call.
2. Periodic review/reflection is needed. The utilization of her spiritual gifts is also important. The wife needs her husband’s help to remain faithful to her priorities, especially if they have young children.
3. What a husband needs from his wife is love and respect. He has plenty of critics and nags, and he already has a mother. Wife and husband need a weekly meeting. Life/church plant need to be integrated in a healthy way. The core group (or leadership team) needs to be cognizant of involvement on the part of the church planter’s wife.
4. There are unique stresses on the biological children. Remember to minister to them. And there are incredible joys of seeing your spiritual children later minister to you.
5. Be prepared that occasional questioning (“Is this where God really wants us?”) is not abnormal.
6. You will have to work harder at maintaining your marriage than your church plant. Repentance in the marriage does not just mean saying you’re sorry, but really listening to how you have hurt each other. And remember that the marriage is more important than the church plant.
7. The planter needs to take time off for his family. Periodic repenting openly before his kids is needed. Taking vacation every year.
Church planting is not about working super-hard or being perfect. The gospel of Christ’s finished work comes before our performance. Knowing that will help us enjoy more, play more, and take naps when we need them.
8. The planter’s gentle wooing of his wife when she is discouraged is invaluable.