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Alex Chediak

Helping young adults thrive at college and beyond

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The Purpose of Marriage: Children and Societal Stability

July 23, 2008 by Alex Chediak

In light of the upcoming CA vote on the marriage amendment, concerned Christians are wondering how to interact with others about this crucial issue. It may be tempting to immediately resort to the Bible, but that will probably be less than convincing to secularists or those of other religious traditions.
An August 2003 Weekly Standard article from Maggie Gallagher is, I believe, an outstanding example of how to winsomely persuade others that unisex marriage is bad for society. Though somewhat dated now, the issues she raises remain quite valid. Her bottom-line is that children need mothers and fathers. Meanwhile, nearly 40% of U.S. babies in 2006 were born out of wedlock. Gallagher articulately rebuffs the discrimination/civil liberties argument and the predictable “what about infertility” (deliberate or unplanned) response. She reasons entirely from secular categories to secular people. The co-author of The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially, Gallagher is the editor of MarriageDebate.com. In her 2003 Weekly Standard article, she writes (in part):

Marriage is the fundamental, cross-cultural institution for bridging the male-female divide so that children have loving, committed mothers and fathers. Marriage is inherently normative: It is about holding out a certain kind of relationship as a social ideal, especially when there are children involved. Marriage is not simply an artifact of law; neither is it a mere delivery mechanism for a set of legal benefits that might as well be shared more broadly. The laws of marriage do not create marriage, but in societies ruled by law they help trace the boundaries and sustain the public meanings of marriage.
In other words, while individuals freely choose to enter marriage, society upholds the marriage option, formalizes its definition, and surrounds it with norms and reinforcements, so we can raise boys and girls who aspire to become the kind of men and women who can make successful marriages. Without this shared, public aspect, perpetuated generation after generation, marriage becomes what its critics say it is: a mere contract, a vessel with no particular content, one of a menu of sexual lifestyles, of no fundamental importance to anyone outside a given relationship.

Another excerpt:

Of course, many couples fail to live up to this ideal [monogamous, faithful, heterosexual marriage]. Many of the things men and women have to do to sustain their own marriages, and a culture of marriage, are hard. Few people will do them consistently if the larger culture does not affirm the critical importance of marriage as a social institution. Why stick out a frustrating relationship, turn down a tempting new love, abstain from sex outside marriage, or even take pains not to conceive children out of wedlock if family structure does not matter? If marriage is not a shared norm, and if successful marriage is not socially valued, do not expect it to survive as the generally accepted context for raising children. If marriage is just a way of publicly celebrating private love, then there is no need to encourage couples to stick it out for the sake of the children. If family structure does not matter, why have marriage laws at all? Do adults, or do they not, have a basic obligation to control their desires so that children can have mothers and fathers?
THE PROBLEM with endorsing gay marriage is not that it would allow a handful of people to choose alternative family forms, but that it would require society at large to gut marriage of its central presumptions about family in order to accommodate a few adults’ desires.

Read the whole thing.

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Filed Under: Culture, Practical Ministry

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With One Voice

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Praise for With One Voice

This relatively short book packs a powerful bang for the buck, providing much biblical and practical advice for young men and women seeking to glorify God in relationships.

Alex and Brett Harris
Best-selling authors of Do Hard Things

Alex and Marni Chediak offer sound biblical advice and a clear Christian framework for working through the maze of confusions surrounding modern marriage.

R. Albert Mohler, Jr., President
The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

Publishers have been cranking out books with all sorts of directions to help Christians navigate the treacherous waters between the buoys of singleness and marriage, and I know of none that is more clear, concise and helpful than With One Voice.

J. Ligon Duncan, III Ph.D.
Senior Minister, First Presbyterian Church

With One Voice is clearly written and God-centered. Our eighteen year-old daughter just read it and restrained herself from underlining nearly the whole thing!

Dr. Bruce A. Ware
Professor of Christian Theology
The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

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