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Alex Chediak

Helping young adults thrive at college and beyond

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On the Demise of Fatherhood

June 18, 2009 by Alex Chediak

A great word from Andrew Peach (on First Things) in advance of Father’s Day this Sunday. An excerpt:

Most fathers-to-be suppose that their old ego-centered lives will continue more or less unabated after the child arrives. With the exception of a few more obstacles and demands on their time, their involvement with their children is envisioned as being something manageable and marginal. Nothing like a complete transformation—an abrupt end to their former life—really enters men’s minds.
But then the onslaught begins, and a man begins to realize that these people, his wife and children, are literally and perhaps even intentionally killing his old self. All around him everything is changing, without any signs of ever reverting back to the way they used to be. Into the indefinite future, nearly every hour of his days threatens to be filled with activities that, as a single-person or even a childless husband, he never would have chosen. Due to the continual interruptions of sleep, he is always mildly fatigued; due to long-term financial concerns, he is cautious in spending, forsaking old consumer habits and personal indulgences; he finds his wife equally exhausted and preoccupied with the children; connections with former friends start to slip away; traveling with his children is like traveling third class in Bulgaria, to quote H.L. Mencken; and the changes go on and on. In short, he discovers, in a terrifying realization, what Dostoevsky proclaimed long ago: “[A]ctive love is a harsh and fearful reality compared with love in dreams.” Fatherhood is just not what he bargained for.
Yet, through the exhaustion, financial stress, screaming, and general chaos, there enters in at times, mysteriously and unexpectedly, deep contentment and gratitude. It is not the pleasure or amusement of high school or college but rather the honor and nobility of sacrifice and commitment, like that felt by a soldier. What happens to his children now happens to him; his life, though awhirl with the trivial concerns of children, is more serious than it ever was before. Everything he does, from bringing home a paycheck to painting a bedroom, has a new end and, hence, a greater significance. The joys and sorrows of his children are now his joys and sorrows; the stakes of his life have risen. And if he is faithful to his calling, he might come to find that, against nearly all prior expectations, he never wants to return to the way things used to be.

A long article, but highly worth the read.
HT: JT

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Filed Under: Culture, Practical Ministry

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With One Voice

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Praise for With One Voice

This relatively short book packs a powerful bang for the buck, providing much biblical and practical advice for young men and women seeking to glorify God in relationships.

Alex and Brett Harris
Best-selling authors of Do Hard Things

Alex and Marni Chediak offer sound biblical advice and a clear Christian framework for working through the maze of confusions surrounding modern marriage.

R. Albert Mohler, Jr., President
The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

Publishers have been cranking out books with all sorts of directions to help Christians navigate the treacherous waters between the buoys of singleness and marriage, and I know of none that is more clear, concise and helpful than With One Voice.

J. Ligon Duncan, III Ph.D.
Senior Minister, First Presbyterian Church

With One Voice is clearly written and God-centered. Our eighteen year-old daughter just read it and restrained herself from underlining nearly the whole thing!

Dr. Bruce A. Ware
Professor of Christian Theology
The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

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