Justin Buzzard’s new book, Date Your Wife, is now available on Amazon, and will soon be shipping from WTS Books. The content is great. I post endorsements from Jim Daly (Focus on the Family), Paul David Tripp, and Mike Singletary (that’s right, former NFL star) below. But first, Pastor Buzzard was kind enough to answer a few questions for us:
1. Tell us why men will want to read your book, Date Your Wife.
Because Date Your Wife will change men and change their marriages for the better. Every man I know wants that. What this book asks of men is both easier and harder than what they’re probably expecting from a book about manhood and marriage.
2. You talk about men needing to “deconstruct” the dream that drives their marriage. How do they do that?
By thinking. Men must get in touch with the conscious or subconscious dream that has been driving their marriage and see if it’s in line with a biblical view of marriage.
3. In rebuilding a marriage, must the man take the initiative? What should a wife do if he isn’t?
Yes, God calls men to reject passivity and be the primary leader of their marriage. If a husband is passive, a wife should pray a lot, love her husband, and buy her husband a copy of Date Your Wife.
4. You use the phrase “performance-based identity.” What does it mean, and how does it impact marriages?
Many husbands base their identity in their performance, feeling good about themselves if they’re succeeding at work, marriage, and their hobbies, and feeling bad about themselves if they’re underperforming in these arenas. Jesus changes all of this. Jesus gives men a new identity, a grace-based identity, that roots a man’s sense of self in what Jesus has accomplished for him, not in what he must accomplish for others. Once this sinks into a man, a man changes and his marriage changes in exciting ways.
5. Why is it important for a husband to be a “dreamer” in his marriage?
Most husbands have a big dream for their career, but fail to dream about their marriage. A man’s dream for his marriage will drive his marriage, so a man must get in touch with his heart again and determine what it is that God wants his marriage to look like and become.
6. What do you mean by a man having an “air war” and a “ground war” in the dating of his wife?
Just as is the case with dreams, most men have strategic plans for their careers or their upcoming fishing trip, but not for their marriage. A man must strategically plan how he will carry out his dream for his marriage. This involves both an “air war” and a “ground war.” The air war is where a man thinks big-picture, in one-year chunks, planning the year’s calendar strategically so that he can take great care of his wife. The ground war is where a man thinks at the day-to-day level, or in one-week chunks, thinking strategically amid the chaos of the week’s stress and challenges in order to best love and serve his wife.
Justin Buzzard is the lead pastor of Garden City Church in San Jose, CA. You can check out his website and follow him on Twitter.
Some of the (many) endorsements
“For several years after retiring as a player in the NFL, I ‘kept my helmet on’, as my wife, Kim, would say. I only saw what I wanted to see and only heard what I wanted to hear about all that she was dealing with as the mother of our seven kids. Finally, I took the helmet off and learned how to really hear and see her. Had I only had this book ten years ago, we could have saved countless disagreements and discussions! It’s a must for husbands who long to raise the communication and intimacy levels in their marriage.”
—Mike Singletary, NFL Hall of Fame Linebacker
“Whether you’ve been married a few days or 50 years, Date Your Wife is well worth the read. Justin Buzzard shows us the first step to loving your wife isn’t to try harder—it’s to be empowered by the gospel. Date Your Wife gives you biblical advice and practical tips that will transform your marriage.”
—Jim Daly, President, Focus on the Family
“Finally here is a book to put in a man’s hands that doesn’t tell him ten things to do to meet his wife’s needs. Instead, Date Your Wife gives men a whole new paradigm for marriage: a paradigm of grace, freeing men to approach life and their wife in a whole new way. Once men understand this, everything changes.”
—Paul David Tripp, President, Paul Tripp Ministries; author, What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
Related Post: The promo video for Date Your Wife.